Recently I've been doing a Bible study about Jesus. I've been a believer so long that I had lost some of the wonder and awe that Jesus deserves, so I decided to do this study in hopes that I could get a fresh, more intimate and deeper love for my Savior. I'm halfway through the study and have been so blessed by it already. Jesus was fully God, which isn't hard to forget, but He was also fully man, which is so easy to say but hard to comprehend. He felt what we feel; loneliness, sadness, temptation, joy, laughter, etc. It's been so fun to go through the book of Luke and really camp on the man-ness of Christ.
The Bible study is by Beth Moore, so we have daily homework (which is sometimes a challenge to get to with the boys) and then a video session with a group every week. Last week's video really convicted me. She was talking about Jesus going to the other side of the lake, where he calmed the storm in route. (Side note: some commentaries say that the storm was sent by satan in order to keep Jesus from coming to where the demon possessed man was...like he had a chance of stopping Jesus...anyway it's so interesting to find out more than just the words on the page.) Back to the video: she was saying that at times we have to go to the 'other side' to share Jesus and make a difference. The thing that got me was when she said that our American churches are too beautiful. Not the buildings, but the people inside. We want our church congregations to be beautiful and that is not the church that Jesus built while on this earth. Beautiful is not just physical...it means we want our churches to be filled with people who are good looking, have enough money, don't have any real big problems that we have to deal with, do good things, have no big skeletons in their closets, etc. As I sat there listening I was so convicted because I do have tendencies that make me want a beautiful church. If I'm honest with myself I do want the church that is described above; the beautiful, and not the unlovely.
But when you look at Scripture you see that Jesus didn't bring in all of the beautiful people into his church while on earth. He brought in a woman who 'lived a sinful life', people with all forms of ailments and deformities, tax collectors, formerly demon possessed people and others with all sorts of unlovely attributes and pasts. We've heard this all before but when I really meditated on this and related it to my life and the present church (which we are meant to do with all scripture - none of it is outdated) I realized just how much I don't reach out to or welcome the unlovely. Since that Bible study I've been praying for Jesus to tender my heart to those culture would deem unlovely and to make me a true disciple of Jesus that is drawn to those who are hurting instead of those who can help me with my hurts (which are so shallow).
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
The point to all of this is that God has been tendering my heart and even today He used to examples to help change my perspective and view. The first was in Walmart. I had the boys and was trying to get a few things in my basket before the good moods wore off. We were picking out a dog toy and this man walked up to us and looked at Ace, commenting on how cute he was. He was a little unkempt, with longer hair, scruffy beard and several tattoos. The flesh in me wanted to polietly say thank you, do a judgement in my mind and move on. (I'm being honest here...so much in my heart that needs to change I know). But then the Spirit seemed to stop me and open my eyes. There was this man who stopped to compliment my baby and say sweet things. He looked at Ace and told me about his 5 children, 2 boys and 3 girls and said he's ready for some grandchildren now that they were older. I found myself really enjoying this little conversation and really listening instead of just nodding and smiling. As he walked away he say "Y'all be blessed" then paused and said "Actually you already are." My heart melted as I replied "Yes! I am very blessed."
On a high from the encounter and the fact that we made it out of Walmart without a fit, we continued on to the Post Office. While we were waiting in line a couple of people walked in behind us. One was a man that had some sort of special needs. He immediately started talking to us, asking Cooper to shake his hand (which he did), and commenting on Cooper's baseball shirt. We chatted a little while in line, and as we left he waved by and told Cooper to take care of his mama. I said he would and we waved back. As I got into the car I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at God's grace to send me not only one, but two truly beautiful people to show me what kind of Kingdom He's building. Not a kingdom filled with people who have it all together and live the American dream, but people who truly Love others and no matter what their circumstances are joyful and happy because they have Jesus...because they need Jesus. Only when we view ourselves as the poor and unlovely people that we are will we be truly open to the love, mercy, grace and abundant life that Jesus offers. I pray that I see myself in a correct light so that Jesus can use all of my weaknesses to make Himself more evident.
"Jesus said to them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners." Mark 2:17
I'm going to continue to pray for Jesus to put more of the culturally unlovely people in my life so that I can see their beauty through His eyes. I'm also praying that doors will be opened for me to minister to those people that God loves so much. Also, I pray that our church will be filled with people who are beautiful to Christ even if they aren't to today's culture. I finally get the verse below and can start to appreciate the big forgiveness that God shows to those who've sinned big...instead of feeling cheated because they get the same end result with less 'good behavior' (I'm embarrassed to say that I have thought like that, but again, I'm being totally honest here about my tendencies...my heart still has lots of changing to do) Just seeing this heart that I have make me realize how much I have to be forgiven of my pride! I'm one of those big sinners...except my sins are mostly those horrible sins of the heart that are easy to hide but just as destructive. Thank you Jesus for not giving up on me.
"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven -- for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7:47 (in reference to the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with perfume and tears)
I know this post has nothing to do with 'daily life on the range' but these are the things that I never want to forget...the eternal things.
"I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:7
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