Overwhelmed

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, 

and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28    

      It seems that lately (ok, since about March 23rd) I've been having these feelings of being overwhelmed by life. Not all of life, just the kiddo part of life. Before I dive into the overwhelmingness (word?) let me add a disclaimer: I have a great life, love my job, wouldn't trade any of this, and at the end of every day (or maybe a stretch of a few days) I have a great peace that calms my spirit. So please do not interpret this post as a complaint-fest..instead it is just an honest assessment of the craziness of life with babies and something I want to look back on and remember and laugh about, because I know it will all seem so much less significant in a few years (or maybe 10).

Hauling water to the chickens. Finally Ace is old enough to ride in the wagon. : ) 

     Why would I be overwhelmed, you ask? Well, let's see. I have two year old (I could put a period there and it would be enough) that is potty training (yes, still) and a 5 month old that I'm about to nickname Old Faithful (constant eruptions). I have moments when I just want to cry. I get to the point of breaking down and then stop myself because I don't have time to cry...where's Cooper? Is it time to take him to the potty? Where is the burp cloth..I mean full size towel...that I need to have before I pick up Ace? Is it time for Dora yet? Ace, will you relax a little? Cooper, do not jump off the couch! Time out..I have to change shirts again.

      You get the picture. The word that keeps coming to mind when I think about my season of life is 'Intense.' Everything seems so intense and I'm trying to keep calm so that the intensity level can go down a bit.

"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; 

Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

     Potty training was going great, until we started going again. It seems like the last few weeks I've been to town daily and we've been busy busy with lots of 'away from home' activities. From doctors appointments to babysitting to birthday celebrations, we've been on the road and it's taken a toll on progress. He was just getting to the point of telling us when he needed to go when the setbacks began. After having to repeatedly change outfits while out and about I started to get frustrated and made the mistake of getting on to him for the accidents instead of encouraging him to go to the potty. It just seemed like he was doing it on purpose (my frazzled mind playing tricks on me). I was just about to my breaking point when we went to visit GG and Papa last weekend. They helped me out by helping me with responsibilities. Cooper was still having multiple accidents there, though, and on the last night I was doing all I could to hold my frustration and tears back....I wasn't successful at preventing the tears.

    The next morning Mom and Dad had a talk with me, reminding me that this too shall pass, that all parents go through this and to just hang in there. Then they suggested I decide what my priorities were and if potty training was at the top of the list to stay home and focus on that, instead of trying to do all of the things I wanted to do. Of course I responded defensively at first, not liking what I heard...my playgroup was just about to start, as well as a new Bible study. But the more I thought about it and the more I looked at my life I realized that they were right (as usual). I've been so busy going and doing that I've let opportunities to work on my ministry at home slip through the cracks. In my effort to make all church functions, Bible studies, playdates, appointments, etc. I'd let myself and my boys down.

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. 

I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

     All the way home that day I re-evaluated my job, life and frustrations and realized that I was bringing a lot of the intensity on myself by trying to do too much. As Mom said, I won't be a bad Christian if I can't attend a group Bible study for a little while...and I have a couple I want to do on my own, so I can still learn and grow. And if my priority is the home, then I have to actually be in the home and focused on the home to complete my mission there. I can do more for my boys by having an organized, clean, loving home where we talk about Jesus, dance to crazy music and, yes, stare at each other in boredom sometimes than I ever can running the roads and staying busy. So I've decided to continue with the playgroup I've started once a week, but not make any other commitments for a while....at least until potty training is finished and Old Faithful decides to cool down.

     Yes, that is another reason I'm overwhelmed...the spit up. If you haven't been around us you are probably rolling your eyes, thinking that I'm a weakling. How could spit up be that bad? Well, just spend 10 minutes with us and you'll change your tune. I know because I've seen many people do just that. It's a constant mess that never ends, results in stained clothes, furniture, carpet; causes me hesitation and anxiety when someone asks to hold him because I have to warn them and then deal with the embarrassment when he gets them (and he usually does) as I apologize profusely and take my baby, also soaked, back. Not to mention the fact that I have to carry extra clothes for myself and Ace everywhere. Though I do wonder why I even bother dressing Ace in cute clothes. No one ever sees them because they are behind layers of bibs. Thought: I need to invest in cute bibs and forget cute clothing.

     The doctor tells me that it will go away with age, but it's not changed for the better at all, and he's almost 6 months old. My original minimum for nursing was 6 months and I'm almost there. Even though Ace and I are both content to keep nursing, I'm not sure I can take the mess anymore. I literally have to stop myself from crying several times a day when he soaks my shirt and the floor. I immediately think, I can't do this anymore, but then somehow I do. Mom found a formula that is for spit up, and with each passing day I'm getting closer and closer to trying it out.  I'm hoping that adding new foods to his diet will help. The only problem is that so far he doesn't like anything I've offered, rice cereal with my milk, formula, water; applesauce or green beans. Hopefully the 6 month mark will be a lifechanger. I'm praying for that anyway!

My current ministry

     I'm also feeling a bit overwhelmed at the enormity of my job and the fact that I don't currently feel like I'm doing it that well. I blame this partly on Pinterest and partly on my high expectations of myself and partly on my lazy side that wants to do all these great things but sits down to TV instead, when I have free time. There are so many great activities, ideas, recipes, home crafts out there and I want to try them. My desire is to have a calendar of activities that I do with Cooper..one specific one a day, so that I'm intentional about my time with him. I also want to start a monthly menu so that I know what I'm cooking and can save money by planning better. I also want to make the most of my home and make it as organized and welcoming as possible, and man are there lots of ideas out there for that!

     As I've come up with these goals and seen so many ideas, I've been overwhelmed because I don't think I'll ever get to them. I'm also tired because the boys are still not sleeping through the night, and so I do not use my 2 hours of free time wisely each day. I thought that the solution to my frazzled attitude was date night, you know going out for dinner and a movie with Dalton. But somehow that just didn't make me feel much better. It was nice, but not stress relieving...it was a stress pause. Then it hit me! I need a mommy workday. Being a teacher I know the necessity of having regularly scheduled workdays in your classroom so that you can plan and get ready for the upcoming lessons and activities. Why wouldn't a mom need that too...if not more? I realized that I need an afternoon (at least) to get my ideas in order and try to put them into practice. I was so excited when I had this epiphany because it seems like a solution to a lot of my difficulties. I don't want to use the word problems because I have no real problems...my life is perfect compared to so many around the world, please hear me on this, I have no problems!  I haven't gotten my workday yet, but I'm planning to do it soon. I can't wait to have my house all to myself for a few hours to get things accomplished....better start my list now!

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom,
 and faithful instruction is on her tongue. ²⁶  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" Proverbs 31:25-28 (The entire Proverbs 31 woman passage is my goal!)

     I hope that this post has not only revealed the overwhelming details in my life (it's a stress reliever to put them into words) but more importantly that it's revealed that there are solutions and usually it's just slowing down and living simply. Taking what God's given me and doing the best I can with it. I have to tell on Mom here. While I was at her house I read this journal that she'd kept while we were little (6 and 4 I think). It was a simple daily log of activities and thoughts and it was just what I needed right now. We had such a simple life, and it was glorious. I have nothing but fond memories of my childhood and reading that journal helped me to see why. We didn't have much but we didn't need much. We didn't go many places but went everywhere with our imaginations. We didn't attend insightful studies or do lots of things with friends, but instead we learned about the important things together and our best friends were the 4 of us. It doesn't get much better than that.  
     I'll end on another positive note. My boys are wonderful. They are sweet and charming and bring joy and laughter every day. Ace's smile can brighten any room, and his willingness to show it to anyone around inspires me to smile more at strangers and friends alike. And Cooper's sweet love toward his family and friends is priceless. He always goes out of his way when friends are over to make sure they have a snack and drink and hug. It's awesome to see a hospitable character already developing in him. And boy is he sweet to his momma. His hugs melt away any anger or frustration I have, and his chatter can get my mind off of any worry. There's also Dalton, who, even though he can't take away the stresses of the day, acknowledges them and helps to make me feel appreciated, a true blessing.

Does it get any cuter? 

     Most of all, I have a Savior that can take me from overwhelmed at life to overwhelmed by His grace and overwhelmed with joy. One of my favorite songs to sing in church calms my spirit...."I have a shelter in the storm, when constant winds would break me. For in my weakness I have learned, your strength will not forsake me. O Jesus I will hide in You, the One who bears my burdens, with faithful hands that cannot fail, You'll bring me home to heaven."

    Now I think I'm going to go ride my horse...alone...in 82 degree weather, with joyful heart and a prayer of thanksgiving. Hello beautiful day!


"My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips." Psalm 63:5   
**Sorry this post is so long! I had a lot to tell myself.